Thursday, November 13, 2008

Conflicted

The mind is full of conflict right now. Wanna take a peek?

Attending a job fair, and wondering if any of these companies are going to even call.

If they do call, what do I tell them about the SSDI?

Should I not even bother looking for anything, even though we *really* need the money?

Am I a fool for thinking that I'm a good job candidate, when my doctor seems to think I'm only capable of working fifteen hours a week?

Granted, the RSD is much, much better since I haven't been working. Same for the vascular issues. At the same time, I feel bad that I haven't found a job and hurt the family financially while improving my health.

How long will it take for SSDI to tell me their answer, anyway?

Did Dr. K's letter to the employer that had to withdraw their offer mean that he's done the SSDI stuff, too?

Was I nuts for listening to both Dr. J and Dr. K tell me that I'm the rare patient who does work and ignoring what they were implying?

My Dad worked while undergoing cancer treatments (twice!) and my Mom waitressed with Polio and at times, broken bones. I feel like a failure that I'm waving the white flag called SSDI.

If I get the SSDI, will someone hire me for 15 hours a week, so I can provide those little extras for my family (like groceries) ?

Why can't I rest with a decision and know that I'm doing the right thing? After the past four years, I feel like I don't know how to choose wisely, that I have no clue what IS right.

2 People talked back:

Mike Golch said...

I keep wonder thing like this myself. Hugs.

songbird's crazy world said...

no advice,suzanne, but good luck with this.