Thursday, October 09, 2008

Funny from Bob, What it means to be IRISH-AMERICAN

Bob sent this to me in an email, and I thought it was funny enough to share with you all. Of course, I can't let this pass without some editorial comments!

1) You will never play professional basketball. (shortest sibling at 5'3"-not happening)

2) You swear very well. (but when I do, it still shocks people. Must be that innocent face, lol.)

3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. And you have at least one aunt who is a nun, or uncle who's a priest. (Believe it or not, no nuns or priests in the lot!)

4) You think you sing very well. (Well, that's because I do!)

5) You have no idea how to make a long story short! (There's 800 posts here as proof!)

6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone. (yeah there is-jail time)

7) Most of your childhood meals were boiled. (I love you, Mom. You rose above boiled food!)

8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling. (a desk, on the other hand...)

9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer (Catholic guilt forever!). (Not as much as most, Mom and Dad lapsed long before I came along...)

10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers. (In my case, wine or prosecco)

11) You are therefore, poetic a lot. (not very often. Though I should keep that quiet, or they'll revoke my Irish-American card!)

12) You will be punched for no good reason...a lot. (I have lots of siblings, need I say more?)

13) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations. (We probably could say that about some of my siblings. Thankfully, I escaped that fate!)

14) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Ellen, Catherine ..and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary
Ellen Catherine . (We're unusual-only a Kathleen)

15) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you. (No comment)

16) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing. (Shhh, they're going to revoke my card, remember?)

17) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking. (whistles non chalantly. Well, I would, if I could whistle.)

18) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are ...but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency. (And I don't think I'm funny-but the 9 year old does. At least until he hits his teen years, I suppose.)

19) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party. ( I don't remember my last keg party...)

20) You are, or know someone, named Murph. (I also knew someone named Pope...)

21) If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac then you know Sully .Then you probably know Sully McMurphy. (haven't met Sully McMurphy yet-there's dearth of Irish Americans when you move south)

22) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret. (who, me? No way!)

23) You have Irish Alzheimer's... you forget everything but the grudges! (Of course, 2% strikes again. I remember everything-except for my kid's first words.)

24) 'Irish Stew' is a euphemism for 'boiled leftovers.' (That might be why I never had any!)

25) All of your losses are alcohol-related (loss of virginity, loss of driver's license, loss of money, loss of a job, loss of significant other, loss of teeth...) but it never stops you from drinking. (Several of my siblings have done enough of this for me that I never had to!)

26) Your skin's ability to tan.... not so much. (Wait a minute, I have a tan line. Seriously. From my watch, because I live in Florida.)

27) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other (not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each
other) (Thankfully, its them not speaking to ME. There's a reason why I live 1200 miles away...)

28) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included Whiskey (Toothaches, my friend, that was my introduction to Johnny Walker Red. Still don't like him!)

29) There's no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes. (just 45 minutes?)

30) You met your husband /wife/ significant other/ accountant/ lawyer/landscaper/ etc. in a bar. (Gas station?)

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