This Must Be REALLY Important

Mr. Benson Adeshola sent me TWO emails in less than a minute, so this must be really, really urgent. His letter is below, with my (snarky) commentary in color.
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Thank God I Found You
Thursday, August 7, 2008 2:15 PM
"Mr. Benson Adeshola"
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From The Desk of: Mr. Benson Adeshola
Standard trust bank Plc
Plot 245 Adeolu Hope Wall Street
Victoria Island Lagos-Nigeria

Dear Friend,
My Name is Mr. Benson Adeshola, a Banker with standard trust bank Plc;I am an account Officer to Engineer Anderson from your country, who used to work with Shell Oil Development Company.Poor guy went through life named Engineer? That really bites. Here in after shall be referred to as my client On April 21, 2003, Anderson, his wife, and their two children were involved in a car accident along Lagos/Ibadan expressway.
You’d think these guys would figure out that punctuation and capitalization go a long way to lend some believability!

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives since then I have made several inquiries to my client’s country's embassy to locate his extended relatives, After these several unsuccessful attempts,I contacted you to assist me in repatriating the Funds before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by standard trust bank Plc where these huge deposits were lodged.
Holy run on paragraph, Batman. This paragraph makes text messages look like Shakespeare!

I got your contacts through my personal research, and out of desperation decided to reach you through this medium.

You contacted me. Why? Is my last name Anderson? No. Do I work for Shell? No. What gives here? Tell you what, Mr. Adelshola, I met a guy from Nigeria once, name was Kojo. Can you help me find him? I thought not. Bummer, he had a cool accent, nice guy, too. This medium? Am I not worth a stamp and a piece of paper? I’m sure that they’ll front you the dollar from the “huge deposits”

I will give you more information as to this regard as soon as you reply. I repose great confidence in you hence my approach to you due to security network placed on my day to day affairs I cannot afford to visit the embassy again because of my work, so that is why I decided to contact you and I hope you will not betray my confidence in you.
WTF? Clear and concise, ever heard of these ideas, Benson? You’re using words most people don’t even bother with. Repose? Hence? You’re putting some strong faith into asking someone you’ve never met to not ‘betray your confidence’, don't you think? You can’t visit the embassy, so why not call or send a letter? Email them? You successfully emailed me, didn't you? Trust me, I would remember meeting or being related to someone saddled with the first name Engineer!

Particularly, standard trust bank Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about ($14 million U S dollars) has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the 6 weeks.
Why you, Benson? So what do you care? It’s not YOUR money. You're telling me that Engineer doesn't have a personnel file with contact information?

Oh I just realized, you’re waiting FIVE years to contact me? Seriously? Dammit, I could have used that money six months ago, Benson!

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over go to 3years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($14 million u s dollars) can be paid to you and then You and I can share the money.50% to me and 45% to you and 5% for my expenditure made during the repatriating of the fund into your account.

Hold your horses, Benson. You expect me to not betray your confidence, meaning you want an ethical and trustworthy person. In the next breath, you’re asking me to LIE and say that Engineer’s my sister’s mother’s brother’s nephew, so that you can get $7.7 million dollars? It sounds to me like you are a very greedy man, Benson. You only worked with Engineer, yet you want his fortune?

All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us seeing this deal through.
Sure, that’s all you want. You want me to lie, now you want my HONEST cooperation. You can't have both!

Does this mean that I can suggest that you donate ALL the money to charity, since you don’t want this money to be seized? Didn’t think so.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
You just asked me to LIE to get the money, and you’re saying that I’ll be protected from the law. Why should I trust a guy who wants me to lie?

Enclose your private telephone number for easy communication.
812-473-7729. Call me any time, day or night. Operators are standing by.

You can also reach me via my alternative mail address:
I await your response
Best Regards,
Mr. Benson Adeshola
(External Auditor Accountant)
Smooth move, Benson. You didn't list your company name, so I can’t report you for ethics violations. Like I even thought you really existed.

---------------------- ALICE N°1 de la RELATION CLIENT 2008*--------------------
Découvrez vite l'offre exclusive ALICE BOX! En cliquant ici Offre soumise à conditions.*Source : TNS SOFRES / BEARING POINT. Secteur Fournisseur d.Accès Internet
All I want is for the prize patrol to show up with a paltry 20 grand and this fool thinks I’m desperate for his monopoly millions. I’m not asking for much-unlike Benson here!

Oh, that number is for Dial a Prayer. Somehow, I think Benson needs it to find a sucker...


ligirl said…
Good Grief! I didn't realize that the Nigerian scam was still making the rounds! Please tell me people aren't still falling for this crap!

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