Percolating

I haven't exploded yet, but I'm still stressed and trying to figure things out. Things like:

How am I going to put gas in my car this week after the current tank is gone? We've got 115 in the account and a check for 127 to Gameboy's doctor outstanding.

How am I going to pay for Gameboy's medicine? He's got a couple of refills due before I get paid on Friday.

How do I tell the kid he's not going on that camping trip? He's gotta turn in 26 bucks on Monday night and I just don't have it.

How am I going to pay rent at the end of the month? The rate that I'm going, with the outstanding bills and gas, I'll be about 300 bucks short on the rent.

What really pisses me off is the quitter mentality. You know what? It's time for me to quit being the rock for everyone else. I'm reminded of Julia Fordham's "Towerblock" lately. It sums everything pretty well.

You make me feel vulnerable and totally exposed
You make me feel like a teenager dressed in a woman's clothes
And I ask you, and I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on.
And I ask you, where do we go from here?

You've got me so I'm curling like a kitten in your hand
You've got me so I'm clawing like a tiger caged and bound
And I ask you, and I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on.
And I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's always there for everyone
And now I know you've let me down, will it always be
That I'm the only towerblock for me?

My boss came to me to gripe about what wasn't done last night. Due to the payroll crunch, I didn't have full coverage and I had to load merchandise into customers cars several times. I lost it, and started crying. I can't do this anymore.

Comments

daysgoby said…
Maybe it's time for a family meeting?

I'm thinking of you.
Mike Golch said…
I feel your pain.we are on a fixed income(my disability retirement)out of which we pay fore the priveledge of haveing medical coverage that does not take in the co-pays,the deductibles(2 stage for both of us)the house note and all the other silly stuff.So yes we have to watch it as well we only get my momey a the start of the month.
Lainey said…
Send that boy of a man here please. We've been where you were before and you know what my man did? He took a crappy job that paid $8/hr. Crappy hours and crappy everything. It covered what we didn't have. I feel like slapping someone for you.

I hate to think of your kids suffering because of this. Not to mention how stressed I know you have to be. I'm thinking of you often...
I'm sorry things are currently rough. Hang in there.

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