Like Mt. Vesuvius, I'm ready to Explode

I started the blog to vent, so today, I vent.

I am so stressed:
I am not getting better, and it won't until there's less stress in my life.
I can't go look for a job that will stress my body less because I'm the only one bringing in money.
I'm only getting 25-30 hours at work. Even at 40 hours a week, my check hardly covers rent, insurance, medication, credit cards, gas and food. Right now, my take home is not much more than the rent and gas.
I can't be the damn cheerleader all the time. How can I rah rah for myself and my own job search AND do it for someone else?
I'm tired of saying the same thing over and over and the words sink in for a week, then it's back to the same old, same old.
I'm tired of people not having faith in themselves. I'm running out of faith myself.
I am NOT mommy to more than two kids.
I am NOT superwoman, I never will be.
I am constantly in pain. It's not going to go away without surgery. How can I pay for the surgery when I can't even pay the rent with what I make?
I am FED UP with everyone telling me what someone else should be doing. I KNOW what that person should be doing. Talk to that person-stop telling me, because it is adding to my stress.
I am tired of not saying anything because I have to worry about someone's poor self esteem.
Yes, I know what kind of message my kids are getting from the situation.

If something's not working for you, then why continue to do it? I don't know, I'm ready for some changes. Some of them are drastic, if things don't change soon.

I'm reminded if what Ann Landers said many years ago. Right now, I think my mom was absolutely right when she asked herself that question.

Trying to get through the day at work without crying, screaming, punching a wall or all three. It's been this way for a while, but I'm about to explode...


daysgoby said…
And like Mt. St. Helens, I steam and belch a little for you....

Sorry, S. That is so frustrating! I have something like that going on here too, and it shits me to tears.
Gypsydoodlebug said…
Sweetie, hope today is better for you. Sometimes life just sucks and it's ok to admit it. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I wish you both very much luck on the job search! It does preeeeetty much suck.


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