I hate my leg

I am in a world of HURT tonight. The latest RSD flare up has been a doozy. I cut off the boot the other night, and the nerve endings are so toasted from the previous boot that the slightest pressure or touch on the leg makes me want to climb the walls. Somehow, the leg has scabbed up around the back (where I pinched it a few months back and caused severe pain then) and where the faulty valve is. So we have insult to the injuries.

There was a doctor's appointment scheduled for this morning. When I scheduled it, Nurse M and I thought we'd be rehashing the nerve block. Instead, I spoke to her on the phone about the pain and the cancelled procedure. She's at the bottom of her bag of medical tricks. I've been prescribed vicodin for so long that they fear federal scrutiny of my file. She finally suggested today (knowing how I feel about it) that I take disability from work until I can work without using painkillers to get through the day.

She was confused by the fact that I've been in the office at least once a week for months and haven't hit my deductible (two different components of my plan, unfortunately). I mentioned the call I received from the case manager and that I plan on calling my insurer to track this woman down. Nurse M asked if I could get a letter from the insurance company stating that they refused to waive the deductible for the nerve block to put into my file.

I think I know how she is thinking. If Dr. J submits paperwork for me to take disability, I may magically get approval for the nerve block. It's less expensive to waive the deductible than to pay 60% of my salary for one month. Here I was just thinking about the medication component-and doing so to suck it up and make it through work.

Why am I bothering? I am barely getting through the day and tonight's agony is because I was so focused on being the dutiful employee. I didn't want to leave them shortstaffed. No, that's not my priority anymore. It's getting this damn thing over with. It sucks not being myself, not being active and relegated to sitting on the damn couch and in such misery.

Updates coming after I reach the case manager. Please pray that they see things towards making me healthy, which will also save them a boat load of money.


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