Putting My Nose Through the Winger

I like spicy food.

It stands to reason that I'll eat hot wings if I enjoy some heat, right? Well, somewhat. I like heat that has flavor, but I won't eat hot wings for the sake of saying I ate them. For instance, I will not go near those ghost pepper wings that some restaurants serve, provided you sign a disclaimer that you hold them harmless for your injuries.

So, typically, when we go out to eat, I'll go for hot, but not incendiary hot.
Scoville scale: Wikipedia
Of the above scale, I've eaten scotch bonnets, like them and would eat them again, but I probably hover around 100k Scovilles when choosing hot wings.

Today, Ed and I ventured back to a restaurant that we used to frequent for their wings. They moved to a larger location, ditched the excellent staff and the service and wings went in the dumper. It's been almost two years since I'd set foot in the place and they revamped the wing offerings.

Their scale now resembles a DEFCON scale, with 1 being the wimpy wings and 5 being the wings that might need a waiver. They did have a 50 cent upcharge per order of 10, so they had something expensive heating them up.

Depending on the day, Ed will eat 5's. He likes his food a little hotter, but today, he picked a flavor in the 4 range. I waver between 3 and 4 on that kind of scale, but today, I went with a 4, the Hot Sweet Chili. My sinuses are still not anywhere close to normal, and I figured a little heat would help move things out. Little did I know, I was in for a surprise.

My wings were flame throwers. Mind you, I didn't start sweating or crying, but my mouth definitely felt they were HOT. Not sweet, no not even remotely sweet. The bad part of this is that I opted to get blue cheese for Ed, instead of ranch that I typically do not use. I could have really used some casein to temper the fire.

Somehow, I ate four of the ten I ordered, with my entire sinus cavity stinging like I might have used Tabasco for a nasal spray. I thought I was being a wimp, commented as such to Ed and he tried one. He proclaimed it insanely hot compared to his order. HE started tearing up and sweating, and this is a guy who normally throws back much hotter stuff than I do.

Then, I tried one of his and it was flavorful, but if it was hot, I couldn't tell. It just tasted like a DEFCON 1. It took about two hours for my sinuses to return to a pain-free state.

Our server took our order on her iPhone, a feature the restaurant now uses. At the time, I thought it was pretty cool, but now I'm wondering if it meant the application swapped me for OMG Death Ray Wings, After my experiences with wings this week, I think I'll stick to making them at home when I'm sick and want to get my sinuses clear!


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