Friday, September 13, 2013

Two Weeks In

Two weeks of meds, three weeks of classes.

At this stage of the normal semester, I'd probably be about three chapters behind on reading, and I am actually through all of it and finding it easier to read longer stretches without the 'squirrel' break or five. I am current on all reading. In tonight's class, she assigned more reading, but we have two weeks. It will probably be done Sunday.

There was one assignment I hadn't done, and that had more to do with getting the text a week late, then losing a study evening (and start on the debate topic) to the car issue I had. Tonight, the professor offered up that if we participated by midnight tonight, we would still be eligible for a grade. I actually went in and read all the debate posts and decided that I didn't want to jump into the fray.

The fact that I didn't do the assignment has nothing to do with the ADHD or usual lack of focus. Rather, it was that I *could* focus on all the posts and felt that what I would say had already been stated, the dissents for and against were taking the issue much too personally, and after five people on each side started their post with "FINAL STATEMENT", whatever I said wouldn't be appreciated.

Ed suggested that I couch it in exactly those terms, but it's probably better that I say nothing than say that!

It is quite a switch to not be behind and opt to skip an assignment. Overall, the assignment is not going to make or break my grade and in the two weeks since beginning medication, I can apply that logic instead of freaking out that I must do all the things I possibly can because of the feeling that I am going to drop one of those damn balls I'm juggling and this course might be the one. No, now I am experiencing a calm that has not been known before. If asked, I will tell the professor why I didn't participate.

I don't miss the panic that OMG, I need to get this done because it will compensate for some other thing I will forget to do.

On another note, when I titrate the dose up to the intended adult dose, I notice that I'm sleepy and hungry all the time for the first couple of days of the increased dose. The first two times, I napped on those days, but this time, it fell on a weekday. I ended up in bed at a decent hour, which made me realize that since starting the medication, I am sleeping better. That's not one of the functions of the medication, so on the surface, it may seem strange.

At my intake, I told the doctor that sleep is difficult, that my brain never shuts off. So, while the medication isn't supposed to have a direct sleep benefit, the fact that my thoughts aren't all ricocheting around my head nonstop ultimately means that my brain isn't overloaded, which results in sleep.

When she gave me the medication, it was a trial. If it worked, then I had ADHD. I really didn't expect such a dramatic change in such a short period of time-and there's another increase coming the day after tomorrow. The proof is at the same time amazing and startling.

Why the heck didn't I ask for help years ago?

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