From Bad to Worse

Here's the latest:

Clots in the lung, aorta and brain. Mom got a transfusion today, to help the severe anemia. Her doctor told my cousin to round up all the relatives from out of state that we can. My younger sister will be on a plane the first thing in the morning.

Now, to get my stepdad to understand that she has said many times that she didn't want extraordinary measures. She was saying that last night at the hospital, and stepdad scoffed at the remark and told her to stop talking like that. This is probably going to be the hardest thing I will do in my life.

We're pretty sure Mom wants to be cremated and buried with my grandparents, up in New York. The question is, will my stepdad go for that? How do I even begin that conversation with mom? I thought that we'd be having a rambling conversation over the next five days, because I would be sitting there with her in chemo. I also thought I'd be getting some of her reminiscing about her life this week-laptop was going to be there with me.

The plan is to play off that my sister wanted to surprise her for her birthday, since she had the voucher to fly. A very dear family friend panicked a few years ago when I showed up in the hospital to see her the day before she died. My sister doesn't want a repeat of that with Mom.

I need sleep, but I know it won't happen tonight.


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